Bullshit Your Way To Victory, Realm of Uz Edition

Mardeknius

Etherweaver
I, however, was driving this very car before you teleported it into the upper atmosphere. I sue you for destroying my car, and your public image is ruined. At the next election, I defeat you in a landslide vote.

SSurvivor64

Mardeknius Unfortunately for you, I work for the city government and handed you the forms for your lawsuit and snuck in some fine print which gives all of your votes to me.

Mardeknius

SSurvivor64
"Say it, forget it; write it down, live to regret it."
This post is text evidence of the crimes you committed - that being illegal alteration of documents. As such, your reputation is ALSO ruined, and the people elect me as leader once more.

Etherweaver

Mardeknius Unfortunately, I am still a literal wizard, and I brainwash the city senate to impeach you before subsequently wiping their memories of you ever existing. Since I have apparently always lead the city, I continue doing so, methodically gaslighting my way into clearing my reputation.

SSurvivor64

I use this opportunity to go to the local library and open Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, manifesting its story into reality, killing you. Since the entire city has forgotten about Mardeknius, I am the only candidate left standing and I win by default.

Etherweaver

Mardeknius

SSurvivor64
Unfortunately, you weren't left standing - you were sitting. Sitting on a chair made of balloons. The balloons all pop, with such force that you are flung all the way to Japan. As you are now gone, the city descends once more into chaos. I march in with an army of emus with guns, and take over.

Earthbrine

Mardeknius As time goes by, you notice that your army begins to dwindle. Soon, you see one of your emusi sink into the ground, and moments after, a humanoid mountain emerges from the ground, picks you up, throws you into the air, and proceeds to use a nearby skyscraper as a baseball bat to hit you into orbit, taking control of the city.

Mardeknius

Earthbrine Luckily, none of the emus died, they just went underground to the Secret Emu City. From there, they launch various bits and pieces into the sky to me, until I have built a fully-functioning Death Star. I zap the humanoid mountains, and remotely gain ownership of the city (I am still in my Death Star, but I own the city).

Earthbrine

Mardeknius shortly into their reign, the humanoid mountain became really depressed, and was about to give up control over the city, when they were zapped. Thankfully, shock therapy was exactly what they needed to regain confidence. With this newfound confidence, the humanoid mountain found the underground city, snatched up all of the emus, and, to express their gratitude to the one who cured them, put all of the emus in a spaceship made of dirt and sent them up to the death star. With all of the emus gone, the humanoid mountain regains control over the city.

Mardeknius

Earthbrine
why-
you didn't destroy-
. . . I mean, ok, sure, I can work with this.

The emus help me build another death star by cloning the material of the first one, and another, and another. Soon, the entire planet is surrounded by death stars. We then zap the mountain with hundreds of lasers at once, and it is reduced to nothing but dust, and then even that is obliterated.
Because we built a dyson sphere around the sun to power the death stars, they can go for thousands of years, and now form a protective laser wall around the city, which I now own.

GUYS HELP I KEEP CONFUSING THIS BSYWTV WITH THE OTHER ONE

Earthbrine

Mardeknius Upon receiving the news that the Humanoid Mountain was obliterated, Earthbrine rises from his throne, eyes glowing bright red with pure wrath. This was unacceptable. The Humanoid Mountain was supposed to be the most powerful soldier of the Earthborn army, an absolute, unkillable, powerhouse. With it gone, only one option remained if Earthbrine wished to reclaim this legendary city.
He had to go take it back himself.
Teleporting into the dyson sphere through a tiny speck of dirt that was accidentally brought there, Earthbrine looks around. A patrolling emu happened to see him, and sounded the alarms, attracting all of the soldiers onboard the dyson sphere at the time. Unfortunately for them, Earthbrine was not in the mood for a drawn out fight.
He sighs, and the force from the sigh kills all of the emus within a 100 meter radius.
"Why are these guards so weak?" Earthbrine thinks to himself, as he prepares to destroy the dyson sphere. Dismissing his concerns, he unleashes the energy he stored up, vaporizing both the dyson sphere, and the army of death stars, thus reclaiming the city.

SSurvivor64

Earthbrine This entire time, I have been in an emu costume assisting with the conquest of the City. By pure coincidence I am exactly 101 meters from Earthbrine’s sigh, and use this chance to send myself in an escape pod to Earth, bringing some materials from the Dyson Sphere with me. I construct a massive solar farm outside the City, paying for everyone’s electric bills. They are so thankful (and confused) that they give me the City.

Mardeknius

SSurvivor64
Luckily, even though my death star was vaporized, I was not. I managed to escape in an escape pod before Earthbrine destroyed everything.
Unfortunately, due to illegal activities, Earthbrine now also has a lawsuit levied against him from me, destroying his public image.
With all the money I've gotten from these lawsuits, I buy the land the solar farm is on, but that also gives me ownership of the solar farm. The people - remembering me for the great leader I was AND seeing that I'm paying for all their energy - elect me as leader once more.

Etherweaver

Mardeknius Alas, I took measures to avert my death before it could even occur. Before JK Rowling could publish the Half-Blood Prince, an unknown figure stole her manuscripts and changed them so that Dumbledore would not only survive “death” but gain immense power in the process. Now, I reincarnate and cause the sun to go supernova, either obliterating or incapacitating you. I save the City just in time and move the star of the Alpha Centauri system into the sun’s place, convincing the citizens of the city that the incident was your fault entirely. I now take control.

Mardeknius

Etherweaver You fool! As you have unwittingly declared JK Rowling your god - or, at least, that's what the people think, as you've been imbued with power from her - they believe you transphobic and send you to Ohio.
I then apply Class-B amnestics to the general population, making them forget that you said I did anything, and tell them that this was all YOUR fault, showing your forums post to them as proof (to any citizen reading: sorry that I amnesticized you, but ether is very charismatic and I thought you wouldn't believe me if I just said "no"). I then give them immunity to further amnesticizations, and they accept my apologies for the original amnesticization and reelect me as leader.

SSurvivor64

Mardeknius Since the rest of the world has been destroyed, the Internet is non-existent. I seamlessly set up a new Internet, filling everyone’s feeds with useless content and propaganda for my leadership. Everyone’s attention spans are fried, and nobody can understand anything you say unless it is accompanied with the words “Survivor for Mayor,” a plethora of meaningless sound effects, and footage of video games. Too bad I’ve trademarked all of those things now.
Everyone falls asleep during your apology and instead votes for me.

Krooza

SSurvivor64
Your new internet is very poorly made. I invent a device that hacks into it and fills everyone's feeds with invites to a fake Survivor mayor talk.
At the talk:
"SURVIVOR FOR MAYOR! (queue the sound effects and video game footage) NO! That would be a bad idea. Here. Let's drink to a Survivor64 free future. What is this drink you ask? It my own fine concoction. Cheers!"
I added a chemical into the drinks that makes everyone only listen to me. It is invulnerable to any cure, carries through generations, and the people will accept me as ruler for eternity.

Mardeknius

Krooza unfortunately for you, it is also highly toxic. the entirety of humanity dies upon drinking this. I make a bunch of new humans and use them to populate the earth. they are not too happy with your decision to kill everyone. also, as none of them are related to any of the people who drank the previous concoction, they're not of later generations; hence, it carrying through generations doesn't matter

Krooza

Mardeknius unfortunately for you, everyone you made (damn you mustn't've slept for years with how busy you wouldve been) had a birth defect causing them all to die 5 mins after birth. The graveyards and incinerators are overflowing with bodies, and the world stinks so bad that no life will ever be able to live on this planet ever again, no matter what anyone does to try to get rid of the stench.